Freud says we humans only have two drives in life: the desire for greatness and the desire for sex.

So are we really surprised that sex and dating bots are among the first applications of chatbot technology? While many woes are caused by the proliferation of fake bot accounts on apps like Tinder, the right bots can take your love life to the next level.

Without further ado, TOPBOTS is excited to present our “Top 5 Bots To Get You Laid”:

1. Cleverbot Automates Your Dating Messages

Online dating is a chore. Culling through a high volume of potential matches will cause anyone burnout. Generating interesting & witty messages across dozens of parallel conversations is practically impossible.

If you’re Tim Ferriss, the king of outsourcing, you can afford to hire dozens of virtual assistants to man your dating profiles and set up 30 back-to-back dates in a single weekend. The rest of us have to solve the problem either through sheer force of willpower…or through Cleverbot.

Cleverbot is a conversational AI that talks about anything and everything. The artificial intelligence learns and improves from every single conversation. One lazy (or clever, depending on your perspective) OKCupid dater, Schuyler Hunt, hooked a profile up to Cleverbot to automate his messaging and tracked his results on a Tumblr called “Girls Who Date Computers”.

Your mileage may vary. Some of Hunt’s conversations are indistinguishable from organic exchanges between two humans. In others, Cleverbot claims Hunt has no friends, tells a girl to go to rehab, and repeatedly threatens to break up. Even the Cleverbot site warns that “Cleverbot learns from people — things it says may seem inappropriate — use with discretion and at YOUR OWN RISK.”

Cleverbot Dating Bots

2. Bubby Makes Matchmaking Personal & Affordable

Sick of online dating, but can’t afford a personal matchmaker? You should try Bubby!

Bubby is a human-AI hybrid dating service that uses a chatbot to understand what you’re looking for in a partner and manage your busy dating life. A companion app offers up curated matches and lets you swipe just like in regular dating apps. Real matchmakers oversee the process and add a special human touch where needed.

Bubby’s founders want to adapt old-fashioned, high-touch matchmaking to modern digital times. “The name Bubby comes from what I call my grandmother, my babushka,” explains Stefanie Volftsun, CEO of Bubby. “Bubby wants the best for you. She gets to know you and gets what you want.”

“People are spending 10 hours a week in their dating apps,” says Volftsun. “There’s a whole funnel of online dating that is wasted time. The idea of a matchmaker is to save you time and show you the people you want to see.” Automation and machine learning allow Bubby to scale the efforts of matchmakers and make their personalized services affordable.

Watch Volfsun demo how the virtual matchmaking and dating bot works:

3. Pickup Lines For Amazon Echo Improves Your Game

Why not learn a pickup line or two while you’re getting dressed for a special date or a night on the town? If you own an Amazon Echo, Pickup Lines is an Alexa Skill that teaches you epic one-liners to get a laugh out of of that cute guy or gal you’re eyeing.

Just say “Alexa, ask Pickup Lines for a line”, and you’ll get cheesy goodies such as “Is that a cell phone in your back pocket? Because that ass is calling me.” Disclaimer: we have no idea if that line will get you laid or get you slapped, or both. Perhaps you can try and share your outcome in the comments below.

For the sapiosexuals out there, Amazon Echo also has a “Nerdy Pickup Lines” Skill. Make an impression on your dream geek girl or guy with lines such as “We must be subatomical particles, because I feel a strong force between us.”

You can activate both Skills inside of Amazon’s Alexa App for iOS and Android.

3. Erotic Chatbots Level Up Your Dirty Talk

 What happens when a chess genius and an erotica author team up? Erotic Chatbots! Chess master Dr. David Levy and writer Paul Andrew created the company to help humans master the art of dirty talk. After all, a witty pickup line might get you noticed, but you still have to work to close the deal.

Despite the website’s sleazy look, powerful artificial intelligence backs up these sexbots. Dr. Levy has twice won the Loebner Prize, an annual AI competition for “most human-like chatbot”, and achieved scores of 100% both times. Now he’s applying his programming wizardry to help the chronically lonely and socially disenfranchised practice how to flirt and carry on sexually-charged conversations in a low-risk environment.

Unless you’re a natural-born Casanova, you probably struggle to articulate sexual desires or excite others with love language. Practicing verbal foreplay with a sophisticated chatbot could be a legitimate solution and no different than using bots to practice a foreign language. Levy promises in a Vice interview that his erotic chatbots are “going to actually remember conversations and keep a dialogue history; that’s something that pretty much all other chatbots don’t do.”

Remembering conversations is also something most boyfriends don’t do. Guys, if you don’t want to lose your girlfriend to a sexbot, you might want to start paying more attention to her now.

Erotic Chatbots Dating Bots

5. GhostBot Protects You From Sexual Harassment

What if you’re getting erotic talk you don’t want? Dating gets really awkward really fast when sexual attraction is not mutual. Most people in this situation will “ghost” the undesired party, i.e. completely cut off contact. Ghosting is unpleasant for both the ghoster and the ghostee.

To alleviate some of the pain, Ghostbot automates your rejections by responding to undesired inbound messages with unenthusiastic deflections such as “I just don’t have any time right now” or “Sorry, just me and pizza tonight”. The bot also protects users when messages become threatening or aggressive. While the ethics of automated rejections may be questionable, GhostBot designer Lauren Golembiewski points out that nearly 25% percent of young women between 18 and 24 experience sexual harassment and stalking online.

Until we fix the root cause of online harassment, GhostBot saves time and mindshare so you can concentrate on the dates you’re actually excited about.

Still Can’t Get Laid?

We hope you never need to resort to one of our honorable mentions, but we’ll leave them here for you…just in case.

Honorable Mention: Sext Adventure

Sext Adventure is an SMS-based texting game created by Kara Stone. The game was featured in a video game collection at Convergence ,  an art and technology summit. As an art piece, Sext Adventure “explores the multiple possibilities of computer sexuality and technological mediation of intimacy”. The bot’s personality develops as you play and the game has over 20 different endings.

Honorable Mention: Love Droids

If you get really desperate, you can code your own cloud boyfriend or girlfriend to sext with. If you can put up with Love Droids‘ crappy website, you can build your own idealized sexbot and share your newfound erotic creation to Twitter, Facebook, and your own websites.

 

Oh baby, you are Turing me on…

Artificial intelligence powers bots that handle your online dating conversations (Clever Bot) and pick personal matches for you (Bubby). These sex & dating bots can teach you flirting skills (Erotic Chatbots & Pickup Lines) and protect you from sexual harassment (Ghostbot). Sex and dating may never be easy, but bots can make the process much easier.

In the future, we expect to see even more creative applications for improving your sex lives, such as dating bots that suggest romantic date ideas or even schedule them for you.

But until we get personal androids, you’ll still have to go on your own dates.

(UPDATE: we may in fact be on the brink of personal androids. Check out our more recent story on bots for sex and dating)